august 20 – without any trace
Posted by Paurong sa Linggo, Agosto 20, 2006
I was rejected. And that is the most absurd truth I can’t swallow.
The pain is still here–pouding and smashing every inch of me. Nothing turned out to be an effective vent for any immediate remedy just for this pain to be cured. I still remember those days. How I wish I could turn back time; if ever I have such capability, I would then scurry on being the same, old me, whom a few people trusted, whom some people detested, whom most people rejected. Paradoxical, indeed, for I never knew how special I am for a reasonable number of people. Too awkward, it seems, for me to merely rely on this pain, without looking outside to see the sunlight.
The phone rang. I was zealous to answer it; I thought it was the one I had been thinking of for the past couple of months. How high my dream soars! Every time the phone rings, I had this thought that it could be her. But then it wasn’t. And her promised return call will never come true. I remember that night she told me she’ll call me back. I waited and waited until roots finally tarnish my body. That was done. And what is done is done.
Frivolous–yes, I am. And I pity myself for penetrating this injury that cut the incisive vehemence within me. How I wish I have learned your trace, for me to be able to go after you.
ilang beses ko bang sasabhn n ndi k “wala lang” sakin?
akala mo b masarap manakit ng tao…sa totoo lng, isa k rn s dahilan kng bkit ako nag karoon ng lakas ng loob n sabhn kay arvin n sabhn nia kung ayaw nia n skn…ang sbi ko…”auko n xang masaktan..” pero tao p rn ako…ndi ko rn ppwedeng hatiin ang sarili ko at sa totoo nga lng..naiipit nga ako…nguguluhan ako..pero ndi ako masaya n nasasaktan ka…akala ko b nkilala mo koh…cguro nga ndi danun kalalim…kasi sana…bsta…aukong manakit ng tao…auko…sana nmn maicp mo un…sana mapatawad mo ko….at aukong icpng ndi ka nag-exist..o nag-eexist…sorry tlga…sorry s mga nagawa kong nakapag pasakit sau…i am sorry…
THANKS: Cai, Ila, Jason, Ila, Ila, Ila, Seya, Yookay, Neil, Sorbetera, Kamille, Jinjiruks, Jheanne, Jayce, Carlota, Rachel.